Pam

A B7 Da, da-da, da-da E7 Da-da da-da-da A Da, da-da B7 E7 Da-da-da-da-da-da A Can I tell you who I am? I'm Pamela Patricia, but they call me Pam I don't like shorts or slingback shoes My only pair of trousers are my gardening trews D A I don't say who, I do say whom B7 E7 I never use the toilet, just the smallest room A I don't say gay, I still say queer I think that Mussolini had the right idea A B7 Da, da-da, da-da E7 Da-da da-da-da A Da, da-da B7 E7 Da-da-da-da-da-da A Got engaged in '62 Got married in the April, in a nice pale blue It all turned sour, to say the least I was stuck in Abagelli with a s*x-crazed beast D A Our wedding night, I heard a cough B7 E7 There was Harold in the doorway with his 'jamas off A I said, now look, I must be blunt I couldn't give a beggar's on the whole s*x front D A Not me, not my scene B7 E7 I prefer a game of Rummy and an Ovaltine A Harold, dear, do get dressed I've seen one in a book and I was not impressed A B7 La, da-da, da-da E7 Da-da da-da-da A Da, da-da B7 E7 Da-da-da-da-da-da A Once divorced, I lived alone Then chummed up with a woman by the name of Joan She moved in, she seemed quite nice Wore army boots and braces, but I didn't think twice D A Then one night, she seemed upset B7 E7 I said, are you not happy in my maisonette? A She drained her rum and baby sham Ran her fingers through her crewcut, said "I love you Pam" Alternative Hook A B7 Wa, da-da, da-da E7 Da-da da-da-da A Wa, da-da B7 E7 Da-da-da-da-da-da A I didn't faint, I didn't scream Just carried on demolishing my custard cream She said, please come upstairs with me? I'll show you just how wonderful a love can be D A I said alright, but don't be late B7 E7 There's a thing by Alan Bennett on at half past eight A So, up we go, and off she went But the only thing that happened was my specs got bent D A Not me, how I feel B7 E7 I’d rather have a coffee and a wagon wheel A Joan, dear, do get dressed No woman over forty suits a mauve stringed vest Alternative Hook A B7 La, da-da, da-da E7 Da-da da-da-da A Da, da-da B7 E7 Da-da-da-da-da-da Verse 11 A Then last year to beat the blues I booked myself a cabin on a ten day cruise So much to do, so much to see With a load of single women who look just like me Verse 12 D A Then one night, I clicked like that B7 E7 With a bachelor named Billy in a golfing hat A We were so happy, hand in hand Listening to a lecture on the prostate gland Alternative Hook A B7 La, da-da, da-da E7 Da-da da-da-da A Da, da-da B7 E7 Da-da-da-da-da-da Verse 13 A I told him s*x had been no go He took it as a challenge and we went below We kissed and hugged without delay He tried to take my rainhood off, I said no way Verse 14 D A He said I bet you ten whole pounds B7 E7 I bet you have an orgasm while I'm around A He got stuck in, he really tried But I only felt a tremour down my left hand side A B7 La, da-da, da-da E7 Da-da da-da-da A Da, da-da B7 E7 Da-da-da-da-da-da Verse 15 D A Not me, that's my boast B7 E7 I prefer a bit of ironing and a round of toast A Bill, dear, do get dressed But he just fell over moaning as he clutched his chest Spoken D A He went "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh..." B7 E7 It was that type of sound Verse 16 A Bill was dead, he died for me They took him on a stretcher as I drank my tea But as I poured another cup, I thought I never had that orgasm I am B7 ten E7 quid A up!