Answering Machine

F C I love my F C I love my F C G C F C F C I love my answering machine F C I love my answering machine C G7 C F C It keeps the people I know away from me F C I don't watch TV F C Don't watch my weight C G7 C F C I watch my answering machine C My best friend says G7 "It's me. Pick it up." I say "nope" C My girlfriend says G7 "It's me. Pick it up." I say "nope" C F "Mr. Harris from the bank calling. Please pick up." G7 Yeah, right F G C F C I love my answering machine F C I love my answering machine F C I love my answering machine C G7 C F C It talks to my friends for me F C Do I want to go for dinner? F C Should we meet somewhere at eight? C G7 C F C Only if I can take my answering machine F C I love my answering machine F C I love my answering machine C G7 C F C It keeps the people I know away from me C Sometimes I miss it G7 In the middle of the afternoon C I call it up G7 To see how it's doing C How can I tell my gal F G7 Who I'm whispering to? F G7 C F C You know it's my answering machine F C I love my answering machine F C I love my answering machine C G7 C F C It keeps the people I love away from me Spoken Interlude C C/B Am My answering machine says C Hi, this is Bruce. I'm not here right now C C/B Am So please leave a message and I'll get back to you C Thank you. Bye-bye. C C/B Am What my answering machine should say is C Hi, this is Bruce. I am here right now. And I'm listening to you, G# But I'm not gonna pick up. So, leave a message    G C F C And I probably won't get back to you. Thank you. Bye-bye. F C I love my answering machine F C I love my answering machine C G7 C F C It keeps you people away from me G7 I collect calls, like spinsters collect porcelain dolls C Sometimes I'll get fearless G7 And return one C But I'll only speak F G If on the other end of the phone F G7 C Is another answering machine F C We love our answering machines F C We love our answering machines C G7 C F C They keep the people we know away from me F C We love our answering machines F C We love our answering machines C G7 C F C They're the very best thing that's ever been invented