The Dismemberment Song

E C#m A Hold still, my sweet B I'm trying to measure E C#m the space between A B Your molar and your jaw E C#m A This caliper B No cause for fear, E no, it, C#m it doesn't hurt A B It only helps me measure E C#m A How much skin you have B E C#m Oh, and the topmost layer of fat A B But I won't make an incision E C#m A 'Till you're nice and numb B E C#m Oh, and laughing gas can be so much fun A B Please don't doubt my decision C#m E This'll be ooh, this'll be aah F# A This'll be absolutely whee C#m E This'll be nice, this'll be neat F# A And bring you closer to me C#m E So don't you squirm, don't you fret F# A I'm not gonna hurt you yet F# A I just feel the need to be getting G# G A little of you, a lot of blood-letting C#m E I know the sensation you're probably dreading G# A But cutting you up will be so refreshing E C#m A B for me E C#m A B Refreshing for me, yeah E C#m A No, don't you cry B And don't call Miriam, E C#m she's my alibi A B Oh, let me check your toes out E C#m A Aren't your toenails cute B E C#m And red is such a lovely color on you A B But you won't be needing those C#m E A When you've got no knees G# C#m E Or shins, or pinky fingers, or arteries A B So hold still while I remove them E C#m A Oh, and don't fight back B I think you'll find you're missing E C#m A the point with that B That's enough out of you C#m E And this'll be ooh, this'll be aah F# A This'll be absolutely whee C#m E This'll be nice, this'll be neat F# A And bring you closer to me C#m E So don't you squirm, don't you fret G# A I'm not gonna hurt you yet F# A I just feel the need to be getting G# G A little of you, a lot of blood-letting C#m E I know the sensation you're probably dreading G# A But cutting you up will be so refreshing E C#m A B for me, yeah E C#m A B Refreshing for me, yeah C#m E Well, once upon a time, A G# that's where the plot begins C#m E And right after the end, A G# well, that's where the plot thins, and C#m E A G# I've got no angel to keep me in line C#m E So I'm taking your narrative, A G# and I'm making it mine C#m C 'Cause I'm all out of hurt, B A you've used up all I've got C#m C So I'm chopping you up B A and still coming up squat C#m C If I wanted to bleed, B A I'd just roll up my sleeve C#m E A G# And saw and saw and saw C#m E A G# And saw and saw and saw C#m E A G# And saw and saw and saw C#m E A G# Oh yeah C#m E This'll be ooh, this'll be aah F#m A This'll be absolutely whee C#m E This'll be nice, this'll be neat F#m A And bring you closer to me C#m E So don't you squirm, don't you fret G# I'm not gonna hurt you C#m No, no, no, not yet F# A I just feel the need to be getting G# G A little of you, a lot of blood-letting C#m E I know the sensation you're probably dreading G# A But there's one thing you're forgetting F# There's nothing like the thrill of a shredding Fm Em And this is no orthodox beheading C#m E A G# And cutting you up C#m E A G# Cutting you up C#m E A B Cutting you up is gonna be so refreshing E C#m A B for me E C#m A B Refreshing for me, yeah E C#m A B Refreshing for me E C#m A B E Ooh, ooh